Sinister’s Coffee Shrub Tales
A Shrub-Able Drink For the Ages
If you are asking yourself “Just what is a Shrub exactly” YOU are not alone! After reading this blog, consider yourself among the Shrub-ducated.. or at least Shrub-formed? Anyway this blog will talk about coffee shrubs in particular as when this blog was written, it was the beginning of a new year and coffee has some nice health benefits not to be taken lightly! You could get boozy with it...and while this post may contain some recipe alternatives that include booze, consider this recipe strictly maker’s choice!
Now Shrub It Out
So what is a shrub? A shrub is a guy who can’t get no love..oops that’s scrub. Starting over, a shrub essentially is a drinking vinegar. If you are wondering why you might want to drink vinegar check out the link at the bottom of this blog, otherwise you are on the same wave train leaving this station and heading towards an awesome coffee shrub beverage!
The Bells and Whistles are Necessary For Your Health!
Moving on to the add ins for this recipe. I found a nice article talking about some common ingredients to add to your shrub(in comes coffee of course!!) to add some extra health benefit punch to your shrub drinking experience! Well I am not an ex-bartending, culinary educated individual for nothing! Check this out, enjoy, alter or pass on to your hearts content!
Shameless Self Promotion-Spooky Coffee All the Time!
Coffee Shrub Beverage
1 1/2 Cups Apple Cider Vinegar
(Champagne Vinegar/ White Balsamic or Rice Vinegar are also sold alternatives!)
1/2 Cup Water
1 1/2 Cups Fine Ground Coffee
6 Tbsp Agave Nectar
1 Cup Blueberries
4 Sprigs of Mint
2 Tbsp Maple Syrup
4 oz. Club Soda(Insert Fun Sparkling water of choice here!)
Blueberry or Mint or Both Feeling Lucky Coffee Shrub Mocktail Instructions
If you looked at this ingredient list and thought “What The...” well my friend, sideline those thoughts, your gut will thank you!(Although my wife and child may disagree with the previous statement)
The Best Step(Some May SAY The ONLY Step):
Become an expert shrub maker. Research, investigate, ask a smart friend, ask a not smart friend, basically do whatever you have to do to become the quintessential shrub maker! Or skip this step entirely, but if you do become an expert shrub maker, I’m sure we can come up with an honorary expert shrub making crown! It might look a lot like those fast food one size fits all paper crowns, but get crafty with it, as you would be the one buying it! That or maybe your drunk friend will. Message us just for fun with your shrub-complishments, and let us be the judge because you are proud! Remember Nothing compares to you(Insert heart)!
Step One: SHRUB IT Up BIG TIME
Think of this as shrub-steppin...one small step for you and some uncharacteristically small shoe, one large step into a shrub hole for you and you-kind!(Liked them both!) In a clean bowl add the fine ground coffee, vinegar of choice, and water. Mix well, cover with a clean kitchen towel and let infuse for 6-8 hours. Yes my friends, there is some unfortunate forethought that goes into this, but if you are among those who self identify as planning challenged, ask one of those smart friends you have to help you out. This is where having a smart friend really pays for itself. You could ask one of your not smart friends, but then you would both f-it up and the writers of this blog will become anonymous and not held liable under intergalactic etiquette code 00543-we are so far out in space no-one can find us haha! Oh and by the way you just made your very own coffee shrub, celebrate with a blueberry and keep it clean!
Step Two: Repeat Step One Until You Get It Right!
Include some more healthy stuff. Now here you do have to make a decision, ask same smart friend about the direction of this beverage and get the two for one special! Do you want a blueberry coffee beverage? Do you want a mint coffee beverage? Do you want neither? Are you like man I have waited so long to get healthy I’m going to do everything I possibly can to get healthy with this one drink? Continue on. Add two mint sprigs, 2 Tbsp maple syrup and 3/4 of a pint of blueberries to a clean pot on a clean stove and start cooking! Enjoy like 9-10 blueberries while this cooks because we know you worked hard to get here! Mix and mash the blueberries as needed. Cook to a syrup type thick consistency and strain. The blueberries will release their water content as you cook, but don’t be fooled, help yourself to another blueberry and keep cooking. Remember all parts of this drink making process are healthy!(Again we are in space so not liable here either!) If you wish to omit the mint to the above step, feel free to do so at this time-or just have a bomb blueberry mint reduction for something else. Also, I’m unclear if you have already made the reduction, in which case you can’t unmake it, so suck it up and move on! If you are one of those people who forgot the blueberries, this is going to be either a coffee shrub-nificant beverage or a coffee mint shrub-tastic one! But if you forgot the blueberries you probably couldn’t remember the mint so lets move on!
Step Three: You Are On Fire!
Strain that coffee shrub, which hopefully you let do it’s infusing business, through a fine mesh strainer, mix in the agave, and we are ready folks!
Step Four: Just How Necessary Is a Blueberry?
Count how many blueberries you have left. Do you have any? Did you do this recipe with your drunk friend, drink all night and eat the rest of the blueberries? Do you need to head out to the store to go get more blueberries? Really, you don’t but if you do decide you need too, the picture worthy drink beverage you are about to make will thank you. If enough people make it to this part of the blog we will consider opening up a comment section where other sophisticated craft drink aficionados can include their beverage hall of fame worthy pictures! And yeah we are talking about pictures of this recipe, in the case that your smart friend had a smart idea about making something else!
Step Five: If You Can’t Jam Out With US-Jam Someway Somehow!
We got fellas to my left, honeys on my right, we gonna bring them both together...Probably shouldn’t finish that song but you get the general. Find yourself a highball glass, don’t know what that is, bust out and get fancy with a champagne glass! If you partied with your drunk friend last night, clean a pint glass and muddle some blueberries, mint and a touch of maple syrup. Don’t know how to muddle(Then you are not one who muddles!) and or don’t have a muddler, roll up the blueberries nicely in some mint sprigs and squeeze! Just kidding, but if you were successful at that please send us a video and we will seriously consider sending you that honorary fast food paper hat crown! Also, we don’t know where you are at with the blueberry, mint and coffee dilemma. Like seriously what did you decide? Don’t add blueberries here if you didn’t make the blueberry reduction. And if you hate mint, well please don’t add it, because then you will hate this drink and by-proxy hate us and then that’s just one more reason we won’t learn how to fly our space vessel home!
Step 6: Some May Say The Second Most Important Step
Completely ignore Step Five.
Step 7: The Real Deal And We Mean it This Time!
Add blueberries, a touch of maple syrup and mint to the bottom of a glass of your choosing. Muddle if you have a muddler. And if you went without blueberries and mint muddle nothing or practice muddling like there is something there to muddle! Seriously everybody is muddlin muddlin! Add 1/4 cup of your awesome coffee shrub and put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow! #IAMTHEHEALTHYUNICORN Mix with one of those long bartender spoons or just a sad regular sized spoon if you must. Fill your glass with ice. Used all the ice cubes in your ice cube trey the night before-Head back up to the store and buy a bag of ice! We never said this recipe was easy! You COULD forgo ice, but that MAY just be the MOST important ingredient that really makes this drink SHINE like a dull copper penny or the Easter bunny on Christmas! Hopefully you just have an automatic ice maker built into your refrigerator in which case, get fancy with crushed dude!
Step 8: (Note To Look Up Previously Stated Hashtag)
Add your blueberry mint molasses. Yeah that’s what an ex-bartending culinary genius calls it and SO SHOULD YOU! You can refer to it as the blueberry mint reduction(or blueberry reduction or nothing reduction because you completely skipped that step because ya lazy!), equally as cool, but still somehow not as recommended. Suggested dosing on this is anywhere from 1-2 Tbsp, if you add all of it, you are not only ruining your drink but you are depriving yourself and most likely your smart friend of a very tasty good for you craft beverage! If you can’t measure, have your smart friend eyeball it! Don’t trust your drunk or dumb friend’s eyeballin skilz unless they are the same person, in which case those two things very well may cancel themselves out.
This Could Be Yours!
Step 9: No Your Smart Friend Did Not Make This Beverage-You Did!
Yeah you got here! Of course you did you awesome paper hat crown wearing, shrub making, cocktail long spoon stirring, most likely drunk reading individual! Top it all off with club soda! Sound too boring? Agreed! Add a sparkling beverage of your choice to finish. So ah, don’t go crazy, is it too late for that suggestion? Naturally We are meaning flavored sparkling waters that will enhance this ALREADY fantastic drink like; lemon, lime, blueberry or mint(In comes the alcohol based suggestions). Yes, you could add blueberry sparkling wine, mint based alcohol-like Rumpelstiltskin but drunk, sinister’s homemade coffee liqueur or some combination of all of these if you’re feeling lucky!
Move Your Tassel In A Complete 360 Degree motion
Sadly, this is where the blog ends and a new you begins! We could say something optimistic like “Don’t eat blueberries off the floor” or encouraging like “Adding alcohol makes you an alcoholic” but alas We are saving those kind words for ourselves during our lost in space venture which if you forgot, yes we are completely out in space without a map-Help! We may include a place to write your grievances to our totally caring editors. We most likely won’t give you a totally heart felt apology as we live by the motto don’t be a sour blueberry! We may send you a picture of us in space eating space food, because lets be honest, you just became one of our favorite Sinister People for reading this blog post...(Did you really though? Expect some tough questions with your rad new outlook on life like, “What the heck is a shrub anyway?”) Email us to find out if we had the forethought to figure out how to send you a response from space. We may need your totally unsolicited praise and admiration to give us just the motivation we need to learn how to fly this space vessel and stop floatin around!
References for the Overachieving Friend Not Yet Mentioned